Evan - Chapter 20

Evan - Twenty

    

Emily was staring at me, waiting for me to answer her question but all I wanted to do was run down the road after Jake, even if I’d never catch him. We had been so close to having sex again, and for the second time I was left feeling like I wanted to cry because it didn’t happen.

     I closed my eyes and turned back into the house, closing the door behind me, knowing that giving chase wouldn’t do any good. The moment was ruined. If I found Jake now he’d be on the defensive, denying anything ever happened, maybe even blaming me and I couldn’t risk him getting physical again. I could hardly believe he would treat me like he did but his inner turmoil made him do that. I don’t think he tried to hurt me. But by running he showed me that his mind had snapped out of whatever place it had gone to that allowed him to admit that he wanted to fuck me. Now he’d be back in reality, knowing what he was about to do if we hadn’t been interrupted and if his head had been messed up before I can only imagine how much of a clusterfuck it must be in now.

     I sighed and sat down on one of the stools by the breakfast bar, burying my face in my hands. I should have been moaning in pleasure as Jake slid his cock back and forth through my ass right now and instead I was sitting in my kitchen waiting to be grilled on something I really didn’t want to talk about.

     “Ev? Are you okay?” Ryan asked, placing a hand on my shoulder. He lowered his face so he could look into my eyes when I looked out from behind my hands.

     I shook my head. “No. What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be out with your friends.”

     “I know. One got called into work and the other has a kid to look after so I came home,” Ryan said. “What happened to your neck?”

     I raised my hand to it and gasped because the skin was kind of sore to the touch. “Things with Jake and I got a bit heated and he had his arm on my throat.”

     “What the fuck? Did he try to choke you?” Ryan demanded.

     “Not really,” I said. “I think he was trying to prove a point.”

     “But he actually put his hands on you?” Ryan asked again.

     “Yes,” I said. “But we sorted things after that. He started letting his guard down and then you showed up and ruined everything.”

     “Why? Did we interrupt something?” Ryan asked, his eyebrows rising.

     Instead of answering with words I stared hard into Ryan’s eyes and when they grew wide I knew that he understood what had been going on.

     “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

     “What happened?” Emily asked, sitting across from me.

     “I don’t want to talk about it,” I said. Suddenly I felt like I had to go find Jake. I knew it was stupid and I should have kept my distance after what he did but I had to see if we could patch things up. If he wanted to be with me a minute ago, maybe he still did, he just needed to know everything was okay. “I need to go.”

     I started to get up when Emily reached across the counter and placed her hand over mine. “Not yet, Ev. You’re too worked up. Talk to us.”

     “I don’t want to talk,” I snapped. “Why the fuck did the two of you have to show up?”

     “You invited me here to talk,” Emily said defensively, showing a little frustration, “and Ryan lives here.”

     “Fuck!” I screamed. “Everything’s ruined now.”

     I could see that my outburst had shocked Emily and Ryan but I needed to get it out.

     “What do you mean ruined?” Emily asked.

     “Jake’s never going to speak to me again,” I said, my breathing becoming erratic like I was about to hyperventilate.

     “Of course he will,” Ryan said, “he’s your best friend. Whatever’s going on, whatever fights you have, you can get over it.”

     “Yeah, but you didn’t see the way he looked at me,” I said, recalling the look of fear on Jake’s face when Ryan knocked on the door.

     “Ev, does this have something to do with what I saw through the window?” Emily asked.

     “What did you see?” I asked, feeling my whole body go tense as my heart tried to pound its way through my chest at the thought that she actually saw us kissing, about to fuck.

     “You and Jake on the sofa…” she said. “You both had your shirts off and he was on top of you. At first I thought you were fighting but now I don’t think you were.”

     “What do you think?” I asked, feeling a lump rise in my throat.

     “I think he was kissing you,” she said.

     I closed my eyes and cursed myself when I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I didn’t want to cry. That wasn’t me. But hearing the truth and knowing what had happened seemed to rip my heart in two. My dreams were coming true before they were shattered. I opened my eyes and quickly wiped the tear away.

     When I opened my mouth to speak I felt a wave of guilt rush over me. I shouldn’t be talking about Jake without him here, especially when it comes to something so personal. But Emily had seen us so there was no point in denying it and I needed to get it out. I could finally talk to her about it.

     “He was,” I said in a voice that sounded pathetically like a five year old.

     “What?!” Emily screamed, jumping from her seat. “I thought I was just seeing things but he was really kissing you?”

     I wasn’t expecting that reaction from her. I didn’t have words to reply so I just nodded instead.

     “How the fuck did that happen?” Emily screeched. “He was acting like he hated you this morning. All week he’s been off with you and with me. He didn’t pick you up. He won’t eat lunch with us. He’s been fucking Tina. Oh wait, is that…”

     “EMILY!” I screamed because I had to shut her up before she ranted forever. I couldn’t deal with her going on and on when I all I wanted to do was make things right with Jake.

     “What?” she asked startled.

     “Sit down,” I said, sternly. She did as I said but she couldn’t sit still and was looking at me like she was about to burst if I didn’t tell her everything. “Promise me you won’t say a word to anyone.”

     “I promise,” she said.

     “Especially Jake,” I made clear. “If I have any chance of making things right he can’t know I told you anything.”

     “I promise I won’t say a word. Just tell me,” Emily pleaded, looking at Ryan who was listening intently too but remained silent.

     I took another deep breath to try to calm my nerves and then I began. “I told him I love him. It kind of slipped out but once it did I couldn’t deny it. I didn’t want to. Not that I ever expected anything to happen.”

     “When did something happen?” Emily cut in. Ryan elbowed her in the arm and she went quiet again.

     “I shouldn’t be telling you this without Jake here,” I said. “If feels wrong. I need to find him.”

     “Something happened over the weekend, didn’t it?” Emily asked. “That’s why Jake’s been acting so weird. That’s why he’s with Tina all of a sudden. It’s making so much sense now.”

     “Yes,” I said, seeing no point in denying it now she was putting all the pieces together. “We kissed.”

     “When?” she asked.

     “The night of my birthday,” I said.

     “The night of you birthday?” she squealed. “How am I only just finding out now? I’m supposed to be your best friend. We don’t have secrets. What the fuck?”

     “Not everything’s about you, Em,” I snapped. “I don’t have to tell you everything when it’s personal. I knew Jake wouldn’t want me to say anything about it so I didn’t. I was keeping it a secret to protect him, not to lie to you, okay?”

I could see that Emily was taken aback but she relented and nodded. “Okay. I understand that. I just wish you didn’t feel the need to hide it from me.”

     “It’s not about hiding it from you,” I said. “Not everyone is as open as you are or as broad minded. Being gay or doing gay things shouldn’t be a big deal now but it still is. People still feel scared to admit it, to come out. I wouldn’t want anyone outing me when I wasn’t ready, even to their friends, so I don’t do that to them either.”

     “Okay, that’s fair,” Emily said. “What happened with Jake?”

     “We were in my room after everyone else had left or passed out, or in your case… Anyway, Jake said I made him feel all funny inside when I told him I love him and he wanted to kiss me to see if there was anything more to us than just being friends.”

     “And is there?” Emily asked.

     “For me there is, you know that,” I said. “I’d be with him in a heartbeat. Hell, I’d probably be with him right now if you hadn’t fucked things up.”

     “Again, you asked me to come so we could talk. I didn’t know I’d be interrupting you,” Emily said. She was annoyed but she was trying not to show it. “Was it just a kiss?”

     “No,” I said, though I didn’t feel the need to tell her about Jake almost fucking me. “We made out. A lot. And he kissed me back just as hard as I kissed him. It was amazing.”

     “Did he think that too?” she asked.

     “Yeah, that’s what’s got him so freaked out. He’s not gay but he liked kissing me,” I said.

     I felt my stomach tighten and thought I might throw up thinking about where Jake’s mind would be now; telling himself he’s not gay and that what we did meant nothing yet again.

     “Is that what freaked him out or is it really because he wanted more than a kiss?” Emily asked. I didn’t say anything but I made eye contact and that was all the confirmation she needed. “I can’t believe this. Jake actually kissed you?”

     “Yes,” I said. “But then I cried out and asked him to fuck me and it scared him off. He’s had a hard time dealing with what we nearly did.”

     Emily snorted and then chuckled, “And he thinks fucking that slut Tina is going to help? The only way it might is if she lets him do her up the ass.”

     “Emily!” Ryan objected.

     “What? It’s true,” Emily said. “Maybe you should talk to him, Ry. Tell him that fucking a guy doesn’t make you gay.”

     I stared at Ryan for a moment and he started blushing. “You’ve told her?”

     Emily looked at me then and quickly glanced between me and my brother. “Wait, Ev knows you’ve been fucked?”

     Ryan put his hands over his eyes, “Thank God Mom and Dad aren’t here. Yes, I told him.”

     “What else have you told him?” Emily asked.

     “Most things, we’re brothers,” Ryan said, dismissively.

     “And does he tell you things?” Emily said looking between us.

     “Maybe…” Ryan smiled.

     “Fuck! You knew! And neither of you told me?” Emily cried.

     “It wasn’t my place to tell,” Ryan said, “besides, we’ve only been sleeping together for five days, it’s not like we’re married.”

     “No, but it is long enough for you to tell her you’ve had a dick up your ass,” I said, making Ryan blush. I turned to Emily. “When did he tell you?”

     “I shoved my finger up his ass while he was fucking me yesterday and he started pushing back, almost humping my hand. Most guys freak out but he loved it,” Emily smiled. “So did Joe.”

     I couldn’t hold back a laugh because only Emily could talk like that and make it sound normal. Ryan was shaking his head in disbelief but there was a smile on his face that said he wasn’t really surprised. No wonder the two of them were getting on so well.

     “I asked him if he’d ever been fucked up the ass and he clammed up so I knew he had. It was so hot hearing him tell me about Jake’s brother. I’m getting wet just thinking about it. God, I rode him so hard after he told me that.”

     “What am I going to do about Jake?” I asked, wanting to shift the conversation back to him and away from Emily and my brother’s sex life. “He’s been pretty much ignoring me all week. I finally get him to open back up, we start kissing again and then he runs off. I’m not sure I can get him back.”

     “You’ve got to try,” Emily said. “Whatever’s happened, whatever the future holds, you two are too good friends to let something like this fuck it up.”

     “But what do I do?” I asked again.

     “Give him some space,” Ryan said.

     “You think that will work?” I asked.

     “It did before, didn’t it?” he said. “You didn’t force the issue too soon and he came around.”

     “I kind of had to force it today to make something happen,” I said.

     “Yeah, but he had time to think things over, to digest what was going on. He hasn’t had that now. Whatever’s going on in his head, Ev, you need to let him figure it out on his own. He’s a guy remember, we don’t like talking at the best of times, Ryan said.” 

     I nodded, knowing Ryan was probably right, but I didn’t want him to be. I wanted to go over to Jake’s house to talk to him because his feelings and desires had come to the surface and if they were still there we might be able to pick up where we left off and we could finally be together.

     “But Ev,” Ryan continued. “If he puts his hands on you again you need to fight back. I don’t care how much you love him or what’s going on in his head, you need to kick his ass if he starts getting rough with you again.”

     “I will,” I said, not truly believing myself. “Shit,” I exclaimed.

     “What?” Ryan asked.

     “I left my bag in Jake’s car,” I replied.

     “So leave it there and get it tomorrow,” Ryan replied.

     “I can’t. It’s got all the stuff I need for my homework in it. I need to go over there and get it,” I said.

“That’s bullshit, bro,” Ryan said. “You want to talk to Jake and you’re using your bag as an excuse. Just leave it until tomorrow. It won’t kill you.”

     “He’s right, Ev,” Emily said, “try not to beat yourself up over this. I think Ryan’s right, Jake might need time. You know who you are. He might just be questioning who he is. You need to let him find the answers and be there for him when he does. We both do.”

     “What do you think?” I asked. “You know him almost as well as I do.”

     “About what?” she asked.

     “About where his head is,” I said.

     “After kissing you? I have no idea,” she replied. “I’ve never even had a hint that Jake might be gay or even leans in that direction slightly. He’s always been straight to me and I’ve never questioned that. That’s why I didn’t think I could have seen him kissing you, but I was wrong, so maybe I don’t know anything.”

     I sighed, “I never thought he’d kiss me either. Ever. But today was so different to Saturday. It was like he wanted it. Really wanted it.”

     “Then maybe he did,” she smiled. “Hey Ev…”

     “Yeah?” I asked.

     “The guy who sucked your dick, that wasn’t Jake right?” she asked.

     “No,” I laughed.

     “I didn’t think so, but…” she winked.

     I smiled, “It wasn’t Jake, believe me.”

     “I still can’t believe he kissed you,” she said, shaking her head. She walked over to me as if she was going to hug me but at the last second she swung her arm around and playfully slapped me around the back of the head. “I love you, but don’t you ever wait nearly a week to tell me that you’ve kissed the love of your fucking life. I tell you everything that happens to me even when you don't want to hear it. I’m your best friend and we don’t have any secrets. Do you hear me?”

     “Yes ma’am,” I said, rubbing the back of my head.

     “I mean it, Ev,” she said. “I’m here for you and you can trust me. I haven’t told anyone what I know about Joe and I wouldn’t tell anyone about you and Jake or anyone else you ever want to be with. Don’t feel like you can’t talk to me because you can.”

     “Thanks, Em,” I said.

     She hugged me and kissed my cheek. “Do you need to talk now?”

     “I’m okay,” I said.

     “So you wouldn’t mind if I take your brother upstairs for a bit?” she asked.

     “Fuck, you’re insatiable,” I laughed. “Go ahead.”

     “Really?” she asked.

     “One of us should be getting fucked right now and it’s not going to be me, is it?” I said.

     A look of sadness washed over her face, “Everything will be fine, Ev. Even if Jake’s not in love with you like you are with him, he still loves you. He’ll get over it.”

     I nodded, “I just don’t want it to take forever.”

     “It won’t,” Ryan said, again putting his hand on my shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay, bro?”

     “I’m fine. Go fuck,” I said.

     Ryan held out his hand, which Emily quickly took and he led her out of the kitchen and up the stairs. The second I heard his bedroom door shut I jumped up from my stool, pulled on my socks and shoes from where Jake had thrown them across the room and headed out the door. I didn’t care what either of them said, I needed to talk to Jake and it had to be now.

     My head was all over the place as I made my way down the street. I had no real idea where Jake would have gone, especially since he had his car and could be miles away by now, but on instinct I headed toward his house, hoping for the best.

     About five minutes into the walk I started to grow anxious. I was thinking about things too much, trying to imagine how he’d react and what he’d say, wanting to prepare myself for the worst while hoping for the best. It was driving me mad. I needed to find him now.

     My thoughts sent a signal to my feet and instead of walking the rest of the way I started to run. It began as a bit of a jog but soon evolved into a full-on sprint that left me almost breathless when I finally had to stop to take a breath and let the stitch that was crippling my side ease off. It had been a long time since I’d travelled to Jake’s on foot and I guess I didn’t realize how far it was.

     Willing the pain away, I continued on and quickly built back up into a nice run that would have been competitive in any of the long distance races I had competed in during gym class. I was biting my lip, praying that Jake would be home because if he wasn’t I didn’t know where he’d be.

     As I reached the corner of his street and his house came into view I had to stop and hold myself up on the railings in front of one of his neighbour’s houses. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it was about to stop or explode and I would be left in a puddle of my own sweat on the sidewalk. I hadn’t run that hard, never pushing myself beyond my comfort zone, but the combination of that and the nerves I felt combined to almost overwhelm me.

     Taking deep, careful breaths I had learned from doing DDP Yoga with Jake on the mats in his basement I put one foot in front of the other and started toward his house.

     A deep sigh of relief left me when I saw Jake’s car in his drive but then my entire body was shaking with the realization that I would actually have to talk to him. I had no idea where his head was and I was scared that if I forced him to talk now he would do something we could never recover from.

     Swallowing the lump that had built in my throat, I walked the final few feet to the start of his drive and then tiptoed in until my hands landed on the hood of his car and I let myself relax slightly, knowing I had something to stop me from dropping to the floor if my knees buckled.

     Slowly, I moved my way around to the side window so I could look into the back to see if my bag was still on the floor. Sure enough it was there. I bit my lip and a slight smile crept onto my lips. I could get my bag and leave without talking to Jake. Maybe Ryan was right and he would need time to sort things out in his head.

     I reached out and pulled on the door handle but it didn’t move. Fuck! I tried again but it still wouldn’t budge. Two minutes ago I was all ready for talking to him and trying to sort things out but now that I would have to talk to him for real so at the very least he would open his car for me to get my bag I was trying to chicken out.

     Heading for the door, I hesitated before knocking lightly. It was a pathetic knock that I doubt could have been heard if someone had been standing literally on the other side of the door, let alone somewhere else in the house. Why was I being such a pussy? Just fucking knock properly, Evan.

     I was about to knock again when I heard a voice coming from inside. I wasn’t sure but it sounded like “come in” so I pushed down on the handle and the door slowly swung open.

     I headed inside, feeling like a sorority girl in a crappy slasher flick since all I could hear was my breath and I felt like someone was watching me. When the door closed behind me I heard a noise again but I had no idea where it was coming from. I eased my way into the living room, hoping to find Jake, but there was no one there.

     Entering the kitchen there was no one there either so I headed toward the stairs, thinking maybe he was up in his bedroom, but then I heard the noise again and it definitely wasn’t coming from above me. That’s when I knew. He was in the basement, probably trying to pound out his frustration and tension on some of the equipment he had down there.

     I walked to the door and had to steady my hand as I pushed it open and grabbed on to the handrail just inside, scared that if I didn’t I would crash down the concrete steps and would never get up.

     It was only when I had taken a few steps that I realized the sound I heard was Jake moaning. I froze for a second and noticed his shirt three steps below and his pants just beyond those. Oh man, have I caught him jerking off and taking care of the hard on that should have been inside me?

     That thought left as quickly as it came when I heard another moan, quieter yet distinctive. He was fucking someone but it wasn’t me.

     I felt like my heart exploded. I wanted to cry and scream and run away, trying to deny it had ever happened, but something inside me wouldn’t let me, not until I saw it, not until I saw Jake fucking the person who should have been me.

     As quietly as I could I descended the final few steps until they came into view; two writhing, sweaty, naked bodies with clothes everywhere, tossed carelessly, ripped with the desperation to get them off. I bit my lip to stop a gasp or groan from escaping and felt the first trickle of blood flow across my tongue from where my teeth were biting through my lips.

     Tina was on her hands and knees with Jake behind her, almost on her back, holding himself above her as his hips pumped up and down, fucking his cock into her. I knew that my eyes were wide. She was in the exact same place and position as I had been in with Jake on Friday night, only now instead of being separated by two singlets they were naked and Jake was inside her.

     What the hell? Was he pretending she was me?

     I should have closed my eyes. I should have turned and walked away but I couldn’t. Even as disgusted as I was by seeing Jake fucking Tina, not because of the act itself but because he was clearly fucking her in reaction to almost fucking me, I just couldn’t tear my eyes away from his body. It was incredible.

     From where I was standing on the stairs I could just see his muscular ass as it flexed with every thrust he made into her, tensing and squeezing before relaxing into a beautiful round bubble butt, made all the hotter by the strong muscles that tapered down his back toward it.

     He was kissing her back, moving from between her shoulders until he was just nipping at the skin on her neck. She moaned at his touch and then whimpered as his cock drove its way into her, plunging in deep.

     “Oh God, oh God,” she moaned. “Fuck me Jake.”

     “Yeah, take my cock, babe,” Jake growled, thrusting hard into her. “You love this big dick inside you, don’t you?”

     “Oh fuck yeah,” Tina gasped as he really drilled her hard. “Oh God Jake, what’s gotten into you today? Oh shit. You’re the best fuck I’ve ever had.”

     Jake leaned back so he was kneeling behind her, putting his hands on the ground behind him for support as he slid his dick out until just the head remained inside her before he rammed it back in deep. Tina was screaming with every jab.

     I felt so conflicted inside. I hated Jake for running out on me again and calling Tina so he could fuck her instead of me. I was jealous of Tina actually getting Jake’s dick and couldn’t blame her for jumping at the chance to be with him. I almost raced over and pushed her out of the way, begging him to take me instead. I wanted to run out because I shouldn’t be watching them fuck for so many reasons but at the same time I wanted to stay because the position Jake was in now gave me the perfect view of his body and his dick and I had never been more turned on or as hard in my life. He was perfect.

     He was leaning back with his head tilted so he would have been looking at the ceiling had his eyes been open. Sweat glistened off his big round pecs, running down in tiny drops across his washboard abs that flexed with every thrust he made. His body had never looked so tight and defined. I could only imagine what it looked like if you were underneath him.

     Every time he pulled his hips back I saw his long, fat, throbbing cock withdraw to the head and then sink back inside. He picked up the pace but that only increased the speed, it did nothing to block the view of his hard shaft sliding in and out of her, disappearing for the briefest of moments before it reappeared again, only to be plunged back inside.

     I let my eyes roam back up over his body and then I looked at his face. I felt like my heart stopped. His eyes were open and he was looking right at me. We made eye contact and his brow furrowed into a slight frown before a smile lit up his face.

     He reached down and took hold of Tina’s hips, thrusting harder than ever. “Oh yeah, this is what you want, isn’t it baby?” he said as he pummelled into her, his hips slapping against her ass as he fucked her from behind.

     Not once did he take his eyes off me.

     He knew exactly what he was doing.

     He was talking to me while he fucked her.

     I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned around and ran up the stairs, letting the basement door slam behind me. I didn’t care if Tina knew I was there, Jake did and he took pleasure from it.

     I scooped his car keys up from the table in the living room as I ran past and quickly unlocked his car to grab my bag. I didn’t want to go back inside the house so I just tossed the keys onto the driver’s seat, slammed the door shut and walked away as fast as I could.

     I had never hated Jake like I did at that moment and I hated myself too because I don’t think my dick had ever been so hard in my life. I tried to run but I couldn’t because my dick kept tenting my pants and I had to tuck it into the waistband of my boxers to keep it under control.

     I felt lightheaded and woozy. I could feel my heartbeat through my cock as it pulsed out precum onto my belly. Nothing had ever made me so horny and for the first time in my life I felt a desperate urge to get fucked.

     Without really thinking I pulled out my phone and dialled the number.

     “I’m ready,” I said when Tyler answered.

     “Ready for what?” he asked.

     “You,” I said.

     “Where are you?” he asked, urgently.

     “I’m about two blocks from the hardware store. I’ll meet you there,” I said.

     “I’ll be there in ten,” he urgently replied.

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